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“Not allowed” to use certain words now. Pretty sure we can say whatever we want. ?
Steven Tyler use to say "kiss my sassafrass".
"Jumpin' Jehosephat" was in a ton of WB cartoons. My variation on the cold well digger is "Colder than a winter witche's boobs in a big brass bra"
It sounds like Josh gets his cable from 1950. Three networks?
Batman talks so rough because he uses a voice modulator to disguise his voice so no one associates him with playbor Bruce Wayne.
Yeah, Willie, your hair reminds me of Lisa Simpson, so settle down, big man city.
Josh reminded me of a euphamism a friend of mine use to say all the time when we were in high school. He heard his dad always said "son of a whore hound!" My buddy was allowed to say it in school, in front of teachers, out loud, in broad daylight. We all started saying it.
I imagine (since you people have put it on my mind now… and thanks for that.) no porn video shophas a "New Release" section. They only have "Quick Release" and a "Delayed Release" sections. Because every other section is just "Release". I did hear about one that had a "Happy Endings" movie section. I'm not exactly sure what that meant. It would be funny if they had porno shows in a series that were about things like huting, fishing, Kidnapping, and such. They could call that section "Catch and Release". Swear to God. State law.
I saw Hot Urine in 75, when they opened for Urithra Heap. They stunk up the whole place.
I know why some places put ice in the urinals. It's for guys like me who want a little cool off when splash down into urinal water. It's not deep, but at least it's cool!
My standup mentor, "Setup", the secret clown told me that when an audience is quiet, let them be. It just means they're listening. You can't sneak up on them and stab them if they're paying attention to you.
My son was convinced for years that I made up words, like "malarke", "rigamarole", and "grounded" (for some reason). I let him tell everyone that until he was 25.
The "H" stands for "Holy". I've also heard speculation that it might be "Hary", "Harold", "Homer", or "Hanging". All I know for certain is that Jesus Christ's middle name is definitely not "F@#%$!g". You may be saved, born again, baptized, or sanctified, but if you use that one, you're getting water boarded in Heaven. And we all know what Jesus can do with a pitcher of water. Oh, and don't bother trying to die. I'm pretty sure that won't phase The Lord in an "alternative interrogation session"!
I always say "what in the Samuel J. Hill?!" it's my public "WTF"
Josh, "melted, not cubed" and "a corned dog" was magical genius. You earned the check, today, tubby.
No, Tom, you swung three times, and wiffed every one. You should have said, "The undies were bought clean, but we soiled them with the first use."
Well, technically, Tom, the word "thick" is pronounced "tick" when referring to more robust women (even just women with super amazing curves) because they're so packed with flesh that you can't even get the entire dipthong out.
Portly can be substituted with robust or Rubenesque.
Willy " DOES THAT MAKE SENSE" Duhhhhhhh!!
Oskay trim that beard up already, geez
My Grandpa used to say “Holy socks!”
Jim Breuer's kids invented an alternat version of a name he and his wife called each other in arguments. kids started calling each other "ferret".
Josh, what is a "D I wire"? heh heh heh… I'm a baaaad monkey…
Coffins: I'm glad you brought them up. Here's what I want in mine.
Mattress, heater, my phone, oxygen tank (replaceable above ground), extra room, vaulted ceilings, lights, and a toilet. All I'm saying is, if I wake up because I wasn't actually dead when they buried me, I want to be able to breathe,pee, and rest comfortably for a while. I alsowant to be able to let someone know I'm not finished living. It will be a video call because I'll have to be able to see the look on their faces when I answer.
Casket: $300,000. Special plot: $$25,000. Accessories: $2,500. Look on the face of the first person I call after burial: Priceless.
Any time a hole opens in the earth and swallows people IN ISRAEL, someone either needs to call the Ghost Busters, or sacrifice a virgin. That is end times type of stuff. I'm just glad you guys aren't talking about it.
Speaking of famous Randolphs, don't forget Randolph the red-nosed reindeer.
Curse words? Are you witches. It's cuss words…
Never call soccer "football." Contrary to what idiots will constantly tell you, it's actually wrong, because calling soccer football is a classist insult that stems from around the time the sport was created, insinuating that only low-class filth called it football, and that only the proper, high-class elites could call it soccer. So, yeah, you're calling yourself and the sport you allegedly love low-class, dirty filth by calling it football, and only morons will keep doing so if they actually like it.
Chick, I think the Blue Streak is at Cedar Point, or at least they had one, when I used to go, back in the early 70's!
My man Chick sure does talk about men's Hogs a lot….
Where in the heck is the full show from 7/21?!?!